Oh man, I took the most awesome dump yesterday. I'd JUST got back from Mongolian BBQ, and was sitting in my computer chair when I felt the urge to fart. However, as I pushed down with my diaphragm to expell the noxious gas, I realized at the very last second that at this moment, my rectum contained far more than mere fartgas. Upon averting this near disaster, I promptly made a dash for the toilet, fired one solid dung cork out, and oh how the spicy river did flow. I let it run its course and tidied up a bit, then proceeded to stand up. As soon as I did so, I heard my stomach growl and felt something shift - and JUST BARELY had enough time to sit back down before pure unadultered Pepsi came pouring out of my anus into the already fetid bowl. After admiring my handiwork (and it was quite impressive, let me tell you), I sent it away to wherever it is great turds go, and realizing that I'd just expelled my entire dinner not 30 minutes after consuming it, made a sandwich and ate it! The end [link]